The careless dog owner
Lets her pooch out to prowl freely and dig up your lawn, howl at the moon, sift through your trash…
How to deal: Skip the blame game, says Stephanie Shain, director of outreach programs for companion animals at the Humane Society of the United States in Washington, D.C. “Your neighbor will probably feel embarrassed and defensive, so be honest,” she says. “Let her know this is uncomfortable for you to bring up too.” Focus on the animal’s behavior – not the owner’s. Explain that you’re concerned about the dog’s welfare and that you want a peaceful neighborhood and unsullied gardens. Then try to come to a solution together, as Denise Lovat of Troy, Michigan, did. “Our neighbor’s dog would use one tiny corner of our lawn as the bathroom, turning our grass completely brown,” says the 49-year-old sales manager. “It took some talking and roping off that part of the lawn, but we’re friendly now.” If you can’t bring yourself to talk in person, write a letter, says Shain. If nothing changes after a reasonable period, contact local law enforcement officials and your animal control agency and find out about noise ordinances and leash laws.
The Talker
Drops the kids off at noon and returns at nightfall; borrows the lawn mower and never brings it back.
How to deal: If you always agree to do things for her, she might be oblivious to the offense. Alexandra Jacobs, 42, wishes she had simply said no to the first time she was asked to babysit her neighbor’s child. She finally dug in her heels after being left holding the baby while the mother went to the store “for 20 minutes” and returned eight hours later. “I had no diapers, no food,” says Jacobs, an executive assistant in Chicago. “The baby needed a bottle, or at least a sippy cut, and I had nothing but glasses. I was seething by night’s end.” Whenever you offer to help, make clear up front what you are willing to do, says Jane Adams, Ph.D., a psychologist in Seattle and the author of Boundary Issues. Say, “Sure, I can watch you child for half an hour. Then I’ll run out and you can watch mine;” or “Yeah, you can borrow the lawn mower for the afternoon, but I’ll need it to cut my grass tomorrow.” Women who don’t work outside the home can be prime targets for time-consuming requests because others assume they are free all day says Adams. So have an excuse ready to go: “I’m busy until 5 P.M.” says it all.
The racket maker
Blasts music all night; weed-whacks at dawn
How to deal: First make sure it’s not merely a once-in-a-lifetime event. If the person is hosting a wedding reception, for instance, it probably won’t happen again. However, if noise is a chronic problem, stop by or send a note. That was the first step taken by Adrienne Penna, 50, of New York City. “The neighbors upstairs from me are Broadway dancers who weight about 100 pounds each. You would think they’d be light on their feed, but they’re extremely heavy-footed,” says the executive assistant. “Since they get home around midnight, I’m frequently woken up as they clomp into their bedroom directly above mine.” You can always find out whether other neighbors have the same problem and see what the noise ordinances are in your area. Relay this information, then offer a solution like tiptoeing. If the noise continues, you may want to make an anonymous call to the police. Penna eventually went to mediation (see when to call in the experts, right). Although she still occasionally has to leave a note asking the dancers to mind their manners, her neighbors are now more considerate.
The helper
Bakes you muffins, wants to help you in the garden and acts as if you’re closer that you care to be.
How to deal: Try to be gentle. This person is usually good-hearted. Kelley Smith, 45, a freelance editor in Wellesley, Massachusetts said his neighbor wouldn’t stop offering advice. “We accepted too many favors from him, and it got so that he was banging on our door every day, trying to micromanage every area of our lives, from decorating to choosing a mechanic,” says Smith, who regrets “blowing up at him” on one occasion. A better approach, says Adams, is to say, “I appreciate everything you do for me, but I feel bad that I can’t reciprocate.” If it’s chores he’s taking on, use someone else as an excuse: “I appreciate your help mowing my lawn, but it’s my daughter’s job, and she needs to know that she has responsibilities” or “My husband likes to do it, since that’s his alone time.” There is always the old faithful (but difficult to muster) “No, thank you.” That worked for Smith. “We no longer accept more favors that we can offer in return. Our neighbor has found new hobbies and now there’s nobody on earth we’d rather have living next door.”
To be continued….
Taken from Real Simple August 2007 by Amanda Hinnant
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